Hey y’all. I successfully defended my dissertation this morning. Just call me Dr. Sista Outsider! 🙂
Love and light,
Hey y’all. I successfully defended my dissertation this morning. Just call me Dr. Sista Outsider! 🙂
Love and light,
As you all know, I’m nearly done with this grad life (Hallelujah!) and I’ve started working on a few new projects. I’ve also created a new website that will serve as my main blog going forward. I am transitioning from grad student to full time writer and publisher (and who knows what else, a sista is looking for a job too!), and I decided that I needed a new website/blog to represent this aspect of my work and life. For those of you who have not already done so, please consider following me over at my new spot, SAndreaAllen. I’ll share updates, and even a little of my works in progress. 🙂
I still love this blog and I will continue to post here, but I do intend to spend more time over at the new spot. I hope to see you there!
After a glorious two-week break, I’m back at home and sharpening up the pencils (figuratively of course, who does that?), to get back to work on the dissertation. We had a wonderful time in Florida, and we also got to spend a little time with T.’s family on our trip down. She’s back across the pond, but will be back in a couple of months on her next rotation.
In the mean time, I’ve got work to do, and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m almost there y’all, almost there! It’s been difficult to get back on my writing schedule, but I’m finally starting to feel like myself again and able to focus on my work.
For your viewing pleasure, here a couple of photos from the trip. 🙂
Oh, did I tell y’all I am a space geek? We stopped by the U.S. Space and Rocket Center on the way back home!
Summer is upon us, and while some of us are off to do fieldwork, working on articles for publication, visiting family, or whiling the days away on nothing at all, I’ve decided to devote this summer to completing and starting a couple of new projects, as well as having a bit of fun.
This is about the extent of my plans for the next couple of months. What are YOU doing this summer?
Y’all. It’s been a minute since I’ve updated this blog; life has taken a couple of unexpected turns and I’ve had to get my priorities in order. Let me tell you what’s been going on:
To start, my love is now working on a project in the motherland, that’s right, Africa! Over my spring break I helped her move out of her place up north and get ready to move across the world. Before she left, we got to spend some time with her family and then spent some time here at my house before she left. Well, now it’s our house, since technically, we live here together even though she’s working overseas. It’s kind of exciting and awesome and we are just as happy as we can be. 🙂 The good thing about where she works is that we are able to talk on the phone several times a day at no cost to either of us, and she gets to rotate back home every two months. Ain’t life grand?
The dissertation writing has been going extremely well. So well that I’ll be defending in September! That’s the other reason I’ve been away from the blog; I really had to get my mind right so that I can finish this thing. I have enjoyed my time in graduate school, but it is time to get on with the rest of my life. I had a bit of a writing lull last year, and I just couldn’t get over the hump. Now, the words are flowing like water, and even though there may still be challenges ahead, I know that I can face them and move on with my work.
My two proposals to NWSA were accepted, so I’ll be in sunny Puerto Rico this fall. I also received word that my two articles for the Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality are going to be published next year (finally), so I’m pretty excited about that. I’m trying not to submit to anything else until the diss is completely drafted (July), but then I’ll need to get one of these chapters revised for an article submission. I need to have that line on my CV as well. It never ends, does it?
I’ve also realized that I just need to stay off of the internets. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day drama that we read, see, or experience on the web, and I just can’t worry about that right now. It also seems like every academic I know is writing “think pieces” (when did that become a thing?), and lordt knows I want to get in on some of these conversations. However, I just can’t right now. Really, I can’t. I’ve got my own work to do, and no one is paying me to write for this or that blog or news source right now. And no one ever will if I don’t finish this thing I started. I don’t even have time to READ them right now, much less respond to them or write my own. I can do that later. My only focus is getting what I came here for, and that is this Ph.D. I’m so close I can taste it, and everything I’m doing right now is making sure I meet my deadlines, so I can walk across that stage in December.
So, this is about it for me right now. How’s it been going with you?
So far, today has been another morning filled with productivity. I was up at 7 and read for the diss for over an hour, took a few notes that will jump start me tomorrow morning. I also wrote my lecture for this online class I’m teaching (y’all know I got a couple of side hustles), and finished setting up the classroom for that course. I’ve also washed and folded two loads of laundry, checked in on my other online class, and straightened up the office a little. I do plan to take the rest of the day off, because this week is already filling up fast with meetings, coffee dates, and other academic ephemera.
Oh, and did I tell y’all that my Mac crashed the other day? Thankfully, I kept my old Dell from back in the day and it’s a viable solution for the next few weeks. I am definitely replacing the Mac, but I’ll need to wait until a little bit, ’cause you know, money don’t grow on trees.
All in all a fair start to the week, and I’m really committed to keeping to my schedule this semester. Grad school is sucking the soul out of me, and I’m the only one who can do something about that.
Here’s to a productive semester!
Today was the first time in a long time where I’ve felt like I’ve done some good work on the dissertation. I cleaned up all of the footnotes in chapter one, and did a little editing. I also mapped out my next steps and wrote out two pages of notes for the davenport section. I also started an online (Facebook) support group for dissertation writers, and hopefully folks will actually participate. We shall see. Either way, I feel like I’ve actually done something, something that moves this project forward in a meaningful, albeit incremental way. I’m excited about what I’m doing tomorrow, and I had to force myself to stop working tonight. That’s progress right?
So much has happened over the past few weeks, that I barely know where to start. I’ll just jump right in and if this point seems disjointed and random, that’s probably because that is what my life feels like right now.
First, the good news: The semester ended well and I’ll be teaching Intro to LGBT Studies in the spring and LGBTQ Identities in Popular Culture this summer. I’m excited about both courses and I’m itching to put my Black lesbian feminist spin on both of these topics.
My daughter graduated from college on December 9th, and the whole family celebrated the occasion for at least a week. She was also offered a job (albeit part-time), where she completed her internship, so she’s now an assistant editor at a pretty posh little magazine in the South. I had her sign her first issue ’cause I know she’s going to be famous someday!
After spending three weeks with the fam, I met up with T. in Chattanooga to meet my new “in-laws” for the first time. I was a bit nervous at first, but I had the best time with them and they welcomed me with open arms. Literally. EVERYBODY I met hugged me. I got to tell you, that’s one of the things I love about being in the South with Black people, we aren’t afraid to show you that we love you.
On to the bad news: My mom fell ill while I was home, and after she was admitted to the hospital with possible pneumonia, we found out that she had had a minor heart attack. How the heck did she have a heart attack and no one knew??? She said she probably passed it off as indigestion and I believe her, but she also had a stroke last year with hardly any symptoms. We’ve got to keep a better eye on her, and she’s got to tell us when something hurts! I won’t theorize here about Black women being “strong” and keeping our pain to ourselves (you can look it up for yourself), but I do believe this is part and parcel why she kept so quiet about not feeling good.
My mini-vacation to Edmonton with T. was cancelled due to the weather (I missed my flight) and her flight was delayed for two days. This wasn’t such a bad thing, but I probably won’t get back out there until mid-March.
Finally, I’m in a love/hate relationship with my dissertation right now. This probably deserves its own post, but I’ll just say that I’ve struggled this past semester in ways that I had not thought imaginable. I’m nearly done with the chapter I’m currently working on, but just couldn’t seem to break through my writing fog until today. I don’t know if it’s the dismal job market, current ennui with my topic, or the current state of academia writ large, but I’ve been rethinking this whole Ph.D. thing for a few months now. I came into this thing fully aware of the risks, but since I’ve been in academia I’ve seen what seems to be a full-scale assault on academic freedom/dissent, the adjunctification of academic labor, as well as come to realize that not everybody working in Women’s/LGBT Studies is as feminist as they claim. Still, I absolutely adore my home discipline of American Studies, even as it comes under fire for its correct decision to boycott Israeli academic institutions.
I’m no baby (no offense to the babies out there), but I started this thing at 40, having enjoyed a decent career in corporate America. However, academic in-fighting and posturing, arm-chair activism, and the never-ending hierarchies sometimes leave me wondering if I made the right choice. In other words, if another person tells me I’m “just a grad student” one more time, I’m going to punch them in the throat. I’m 44 years old, I’m not “just” anything. Only in academia are you expected to give up life and limb for paltry pay and the privilege of being at the bottom of the academic heap. The undergraduates are treated with more respect. I have not experienced this in my home discipline, but I most certainly have in other areas of the institution with which I am currently affiliated.
But on the other hand, I have the extreme privilege of watching my students “come to consciousness” and knowing that when they leave my classroom, they are better equipped to deal with the issues they will most certainly face in the real world, and that I’ve helped them to think more critically about their role in maintaining or disrupting the race, class, gender, and sexual systems of oppression that impact all of us. On more than one occasion I’ve been blessed with a hug or a kind note of appreciation from a student.
I also love my research project, even though there are days when I want to toss it across the ocean and never look back. I’ve finally finished transcribing an important interview, and I feel ready to move forward. I received good feedback on this chapter draft from a trusted colleague, and I feel like I’m headed back toward the land of productivity.
I’m still mad at academia right now, but not because I feel cheated or because I might not get the job I think l I’m entitled to. It’s because I think we can and must do better, and I’m not sure that we will. In this digital age, why are we still holding on to peer review processes that take upwards of 18 months to complete? Why are we still admitting students into graduate programs for which we know there will be no jobs? Why have we allowed contingent labor to become the primary means by which we educate our students? Have we decided that the only way to hold on to whatever semblance of privilege we have is at the cost of educating our students? I know that as a 44-year old Black lesbian, I am not supposed to be here. That I am is in itself an act of resistance and an affront to all those who wish to silence me, and evidence that the work that I am doing is valuable and necessary.
So I must press on. Weary but determined to get what I came for.
So, this post is going to get real silly, but bear with me people, it’s that time of semester. First things first: My first attempt at AcWriMo was a partial success. Ok. it was a big fat FAIL. Although I reached two of my goals (finishing the conference paper and working on my current chapter), I didn’t finish the chapter, nor did I start the next one. I have to admit that things started off well; I was reading and writing like a BOSS! However, right around the middle of November, (NWSA time), things started to slow down and I was never able to regain traction. I’ll try again next year, and I’ll make sure take into account the conferencing and job hunting I know I’ll be doing again.
Now, the good stuff! Me and T. had a wonderful Thanksgiving break together. We spent most of the time at a bougie hotel in Indy, where we had easy access to shopping and good food. It was also our anniversary week, and T. surprised me with gifts several days in a row. The first little gift was like 12 pair of awesome socks. Let me explain, I LOVE cute colorful socks and I’m always complaining that I need more. So the first night we are in Indy she gives me like 12 pair, seriously. It was so cute and you know I was wearing them the rest of the week.
And then this happened:
‘Cause you know, I needed a brown purse. 0_0 I also received a new office chair, (mine had a permanent “lean” which would on occasion have me on the floor), a beautiful sapphire ring with matching earrings and pendant, and other goodies. I got her two pair of headphones (one kinda fancy, the other not so much), and her other “big” gift is on the way. I’ll be so glad when I’m able to do as much for her as she does for me. We both like nice things and like to give, but I tend to be on the receiving end more often than not these days. I work three jobs, but you know it’s still hard out here for a grad student. That will change soon, and I’m looking forward to it!
The only downside to last week was that she caught a nasty cold. But you know I’m Nurse Ratchet, so she was on the mend in no time. My mom says I’m a terrible nurse, but I don’t think so. As long as you do what I tell you, we’re fine. 🙂 T. didn’t care for my no nonsense style of treatment either, but she definitely felt better sooner than she thought she would. I’m now taking that same hard line with myself, since of course, I caught the cold as soon as I returned from break.
The most exciting part of our break was the amazing Iron Bowl that we were able to watch together (we sometimes have to stream the games on our computers because she can’t get all of the channels we have here in the U.S.), and it was the best football game I’ve ever seen in my life! Y’all know I’m a basketball girl, but I’m also an Auburn graduate, so SEC football is a part of my DNA, like it or not. We took Alabama DOWN, with one second to go. In case you missed it, here’s a clip:
We had so much fun watching the game and celebrating after, and you can best believe that I was giving my Alabama friends hell for the rest of the night. I believe my Facebook cover photo is still the game scorecard…
Anywhooo, back to work, sick or not. I’ve got some writing to do!
Y’all. The past two weeks have been the craziest EVAR. I’ve applied to ten jobs, graded 5011 papers, written two new syllabi for courses I MIGHT get to teach, attended countless meetings, written and disseminated the CFP for our conference next spring, added a few pages to the diss, watched a train wreck of a job talk (great example of what NOT to do if I get a campus interview), and I don’t even remember what else.
All that to say that I haven’t had much time to update my favorite space on the web. 🙂
I’ve got to get back to the grind, but here’s a little something to let you know what it’s been like the past couple of weeks: