10 thoughts on “Passing in the 21st Century

  1. I agree. A very interesting read. Thanks for sharing!

    You know it’s funny. The issue of “Passing for straight” regarding Me has actually been on my mind as of late. And the truth is, the older (and hopefully wiser) I’ve gotten, the more weary I’ve grown of “Passing for straight.”

    I’m a private by nature and will never feel compelled to bust out and share my personal business with “the world.”

    My family and closest “straight” friends know the deal and they love me anyway!

    However, of late, I’m coming to a point where I’m no longer willing to let other people I interact with (personally and professionaly) assume that I’m into men just becuase I “look” straight.

    Honestly, “Passing” is beginning to feel like a form of deception to me. And I really don’t like the feeling.

  2. Thanks for your comments! I intended to get back to this, so thank you for reminding me. I am also out to friends and family and in the past often was tagged as straight because I don’t “look” gay or lesbian. I remember being in a lesbian club and being asked if I had a husband!

    I think femmes (and I have no problem with identifying as femme) are often thought to be straight, bi, or just messing around and it’s just another way that gender binaries and stereotypes have affected lesbian (and other) communities. I’ve been “out” for over a decade now, but I still get the side eye when I tell people that I am indeed lesbian.

    I’ve become a lot more vocal in regards to calling folks out or even in gently reminding them that you can’t “tell” if someone is lesbian, so we shouldn’t make assumptions based on appearances.

  3. Just an FYI: I’m not “femme” which, makes my situation a little more tricky I guess you’d say.

    I’m a SoftStud who looks “straight”. My mentality is that of a dom/Ag and in the “right” environment so too is my “swagga”…lol

  4. Pingback: Straight Passing, or On the Invisibility of Femme Lesbians « sistaoutsider

  5. Interesting reading, SistahOutsider….however, people should avoid the comments like the plague over at The Root! Some seriously ugly words there…

    • Well, I certainly thank you for reading and I haven’t seen what is going on at The Root lately. Now I’m going to have to go see! 🙂 I have to admit though, that I am not fond of using “queer” and I make the distinction of being lesbian for political and personal reasons. I don’t knock others for using it, and I do employ it in academic circles when I am making a point, or when someone self-indentifies that way.

      Regardless, there is definitely something to folks thinking they know what “queer” or lesbian or gay looks like. I also think a lot of the beef with the L Word was that it also clearly did not depict lesbians of color hardly at all, at least in the first season.

  6. Pingback: Straight Passing, or On the Invisibility of Black Femme Lesbians « The BlaRG

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